Merry fucking Christmas, indeed.

It seems that one of my siblings has decided not to come back to the house for Christmas. It's more important to her to be with her friend and her friend's family.

Power to her. I should have headed elsewhere when I could have. I should have spent the money I set aside for gifts on alcohol or amphetamines instead. I should have done a lot of things differently, but I've been gone from here so long that I didn't realize that it wasn't just me but the family had in fact dissolved into a group of people who happen to share the same last name and some facial features.


The past two months have been hard enough. I lost my cat (lame, I know). I got booted from school. I lost a lot of my supposedly close friends. I have a bed in a corner of the family room. I landed and then lost a shitty job with shitty pay. I got dumped. I got bummed, and then I got more bummed. I cracked up my stupid car. I don't have medical or dental insurance right now, so now is a really bad time for my bad shoulder or my crazy disease or my broken teeth to act up (which they all are doing right now.) My great-aunt died Thursday, and I hardly knew she was sick to begin with. I don't even know what day of the week it is. I may have mentioned this all before. And now it seems that my lovely family is even falling apart.

I am moving to the 'Cuse as soon as I possibly can. I don't know what I expect to find out there, but I don't want to sit on deck if this stupid ship is taking on water.